What Parts or Aspects of Yourself Do You Hide?
My disability sometimes tortures me, mentally and physically, it can take complete control of my mind. At times it really fucks with my head, it overwhelms me, it makes me feel vulnerable, it makes me feel weak and it makes me feel afraid. It plays havoc with my mind. When I’m in this mindset it sucks up my positivity, my confidence and my beauty, it totally dims the light within me. It’s exhausting and I sometimes hate it with a passion.
I have always been a fighter and survivor.
I put on a brave face in front of people… the only one that knows and hears my truth, feels my pain and wipes my tears, understands me inside out is Vaggeli, and I thank god I have him every single day.
I was always afraid that I would end up in a wheelchair…
That happened and I ended up using a wheelchair in my 40’s… I had to reinvent myself and try to make my disability look cool and sexy. I did it, and Iooking back, it was a massive learning curve for me.
Fast forward to my sixties, what can I say, these have been the toughest chapters so far. I feel older and my disability joined forces with that feeling, at times I have wanted to end it all when I felt that I just didn’t have any more fight left in me to fight.
I do hide these feelings… I don’t want to feel and hear people pity me, I don’t want a fuss. My disability is me, we have a love hate relationship.
Speaking my truth is so important, it’s releasing, surrendering and trusting… if I was reading this about somebody else, I would think, this person is amazing.
I know: I REALLY AM AMAZING!
I am going to print my truth on the blog page of my website and I hope it helps even just one person with their own battle.
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Love & Light Always
Rhodope
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